Moving house. Changing jobs. Retiring. A kid leaving home. Grieving a loss. Getting ready to travel. Finishing something big (or small). Starting something big (or small). Changing a habit. Healing.
Transitions are happening all the time. I mean, literally, ALL THE TIME. Yet even with all that practice, transition can be emotional: uncomfortable, sad, exciting and even scary (or all of the above). And it doesn’t have to be big transitions. When I finish my delicious breakfast bowl and tea, I can feel a ripple of, “Sigh…that’s over. Now what?”
When I was leading a team of movement teachers, we worked together on teaching skills. We always focused attention on transitions since it was a place where we all tended to stumble. Some folks did better when they practiced a lot. Others spent time right before teaching quieting their body and mind. Still others did a combination. After years of practice and collaboration we agreed on this: whatever you can do to relax will help everybody relax throughout the experience.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the transitions in a day, a movement class, or a life, these can be the places where we get stuck or anxious or avoidant. We might turn away from the change or rush into it prematurely. We might pretend it’s not happening or obsess about it.
The happiest people I know are the ones who can gracefully navigate transition.
Even and especially for those of us who are anxious (looking at you/me, worriers) or avoidant (looking at you/me, procrastinators) transition skills can be learned. And those skills translate to big transitions and small, expected transitions and ones that happen suddenly.
Graceful Transition: Plan, Prepare & Relax
Plan
Planning helps direct preparation. Photo: Rebecca George Photography
When presented with a transition – no matter if you’ve known about it for years, like retirement or you have no lead time at all, like an injury or diagnosis – give yourself as much time as you can to prepare yourself for the changes. Acknowledge that this is what is happening, uncertainty is integral to a transition and there are likely to be bobbles along the way.
If you have time, think through or write down what needs to happen, what you would love to happen and what you can do to coax things in that general direction. It doesn’t have to be a big process, breathe and take what time you have to plan. If you’re moving house, for example, you might consider what you want to do before you leave the old house (like clear out storage areas or have dinner with neighbors) and what you want to do at the new house (like paint the kitchen or replace light fixtures). If your kiddo is going to school, perhaps you want to have some one-on-one time with them that’s not just shopping for their dorm room. There’s no telling if those things will happen, but they are far more likely to happen if you’ve been able to think it through.
If you don’t have time to plan, just breathe and acknowledge that the transition is happening. Fighting reality is always a losing battle. Breathe again and remind yourself that you can figure things out as they unfold.
Plan TL;DR (too long; didn’t read)
Planning can be as simple as breathing and adjusting to the change. It can also include thinking through the transition in as much or as little detail as you have capacity for. When in doubt, breathe and relax.
Prepare
Preparing helps smooth the transition. Photo: Rebecca George Photography
Once you’ve settled yourself with whatever planning you can do, it’s time for the action of preparation. It’s likely or perhaps even inevitable that there are more things involved in the transition that you thought when you were planning. Expect this. Simply add them to the plan and keep preparing.
If you’re getting ready for a trip, check the parts and pieces of your camping gear, find your passport, arrange for a pet sitter. If you’re getting ready to retire, start wrapping up projects and shifting them to their new owner, set up time with colleagues to express appreciation and talk through how to make the shift easier on everybody. If you’re leading a movement class, listen carefully to the music for when you could cue for changes.
Preparation will reveal what is actually essential and what are nice-to-haves (and what are avoidance in disguise). Preparation smooths the road and is a way of transitioning into the transition. If you don’t have time to prepare, just breathe and know that you will do your best given the circumstances.
Prepare TL;DR
Preparation can be as simple as determining what absolutely must happen (like pack a credit card and my passport or get myself to the hospital) and can be as complex as having scheduled stages of transition (like engaging a team of people complete with lists and clipboards and timelines to help move a company to new offices). When in doubt, breathe and relax.
Relax
Sometimes the cat sits on your work. Of course she does. It’s OK. Photo: Rebecca George Photography
Few transitions go exactly as planned. Expect bumps and wobbles. Things change, decisions shift, monkey wrenches get thrown. As the movement team learned, whatever you can do to help yourself relax through a transition makes it easier on everybody. If you weren’t able to plan, it’s OK. If you weren’t able to prepare, it’s OK. That’s just the way it goes sometimes. Start where you are with what will make the biggest impact. Moving house? Get the beds set up and give everybody snacks. New job? Get the big picture and identify the highest priorities (and bring snacks). Grieving a loss? Do what would put your heart even a little more at ease. Or lie down with a snack.
Relax TL;DR
Whatever you can do to relax through a transition is worth doing. Do it. And bring snacks.
Transitions are inevitable. They aren’t a problem but rather a sign of life. Plan, Prepare & Relax for small transitions like getting ready for friends to come for dinner or starting a small project. The more experience you have with low stakes transitions, the more relaxed you will be when the transitions are big or sudden.
Even while packing, there is time to relax. Photo: Rebecca George Photography
TL;DR
Transitions are normal. Breathe. Relax. Snacks. You got this.