Thanks to Laurie S. Jacobson for this week’s guest post. Check out information about her new book, Unexpected Awakening, below — recommended by meditation teacher, Sharon Salzberg!
Many years ago, during a terribly dark time in my life, I traveled to Buddhist monastery searching, hoping, and praying for answers to end my suffering. I spent hours at a time meditating on a hard cushion, and listened to monks explain the Buddha’s teachings. Unexpectedly, I left with clarity, an open heart, and the courage to forge a new and better life.
Now, 20 years later, the darkness has rolled into my life again. Each day I react to the day’s news with fear, outrage, disgust, incredulity, and anger. Too often I find myself battling between feelings of justified anger and the urge to lash out on the one hand, and trying to summon compassion toward misguided, ignorant individuals on the other.
Since I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to attain a peaceful mind and loving heart, seeing myself succumb to anger, even hatred toward my fellow human beings bothers me no end. It’s not who I want to be, and a dilemma to be sure. I keep asking myself the same questions over and over again: “How do I navigate this dark, chaotic time of upheaval, cruelty, and division while maintaining a loving heart? Where do I find hope and courage amidst the current fear, chaos, and uncertainty?”
We don’t have to sit for hours on a hard cushion like I did 20 years ago to open our hearts and gain the clarity and courage it takes to find our way out of darkness. But we can look to the Buddha’s teachings for guidance.
One tool to help us navigate a path through this crazy, overwhelming maze of fear and anger is the Buddhist principle of Pratipaksha Bhãvana. It translates as “cultivate the opposite.” This teaching suggests that when negative thoughts arise, one should cultivate the opposite thought or emotion. This doesn’t necessarily mean totally replacing an emotion with its polar opposite, but rather actively shifting towards a more constructive and compassionate perspective.
It sounds simple, but like any new habit, it takes regular practice. The key word here is “cultivate.” Think of it like planting a seed in a garden. You have to regularly water, feed, and weed the garden bed for the seed to grow, mature, and flower. So, each time you notice feelings of fear or anger, pause, take a deep breath, recognize those feelings for what they are, and open your heart. You can weed out the unwholesome emotions by planting seeds of courage or love, and water regularly.
My first experience with this practice happened many years ago when I opened my business and started teaching nutrition and wellness classes. I was new in town, trying to establish myself, and befriended a professional herbalist. She was well-known in the area, with a long list of clients and students. One day I noticed having feelings of jealousy and envy toward her, which surprised me. Afterward, every time I noticed the emotion of jealousy rising in my mind, I consciously began cultivating joy for her tremendous success instead of dwelling in my resentment.
Given today’s extreme divisiveness, the practice of “cultivate the opposite” is a far more difficult task than countering feelings of jealousy toward a successful colleague. Today, because we feel a tangible threat to our well-being, lifestyle, and freedoms, our emotional reactions are super-charged.
One instinctive response to threats is to fight to protect ourselves. And we hold on to those super-charged emotions for dear life in order to fuel the fight.
But what is the best way to fight? With anger in our hearts, or with love?
Perhaps the answer lies somewhere in-between. Perhaps by practicing “cultivate the opposite” we can find balance between these two emotional responses and fight in a positive, constructive way without hatred or animosity.
Next time you find yourself reacting in anger to the latest news, the first thing to do is hit the PAUSE button. Gain some clarity. Notice the feeling of anger rising. See it clearly for what it is. The emotion of anger. That emotion is not you. Next, open your heart and try to summon its opposite however you can. Where and when did you feel tender loving-kindness, or compassion? Close your eyes and imagine yourself there. Your nervous system will thank you. If you can send that loving-kindness to the person or people who anger you, bonus points to you!
The Buddha asks us to send loving-kindness to all sentient beings, even our enemies. A tall, daunting task to be sure! Or, if you feel the emotion fear, PAUSE. See it clearly. It’s just fear. Fear isn’t you. Then try to remember a time in your life when you took a chance, a leap of faith, or had the courage to start something completely new and unknown. Immerse yourself in those courageous feelings. Let them pour over you like a gentle rain, and reclaim your strength and confidence.
If we actively practice Pratipaksha Bhãvana with an open heart, we’ll gain the clarity and courage we need to sail our ships through this storm. We’ll reap the benefits of greater happiness and well-being, increased resilience, reduced mental suffering, and develop a more positive, and balanced mindset. God knows we need those wholesome qualities in our arsenal right now as we fight the good fight for justice, equality, and freedom.
A graduate of Boston University with a degree in psychology, Laurie S. Jacobson is a writer and Certified Health Coach fascinated by the Buddha’s teachings. At age twenty-six, she traded city life for the peace of the rural Pennsylvania mountains, and opened Lifetime Wellness. Her work in the natural health field has been featured on television, radio, and local and national magazines and newspapers. Currently, she enjoys a quiet, simple life in Virginia. Her new memoir, Unexpected Awakening is available on Amazon. You can find her at www.lauriesjacobson.com.
